top five things we’re fucking up in the news

I know I have other stuff to worry about, but as long as Eliot Spitzer’s whores and Britney Spears keep dominating the news, it’s up to NPR nerds and English teachers to give a flying fuck. So, please allow me to hop in my time machine and go back 10 years to when everyone thought pirates, monkeys and ninjas were cool. Now that it is 1998 and I’m in high school again, this news should blow my tiny mind. While I’m here, I might as well grab a hot cheese hoagie and chocolate milk and, oh, hey! I forgot that this is also when stoners sported those “free Tibet” stickers as a fashion statement. Wasn’t that cute and fun? Fast forward to the present when shit is going 10 kinds of crazy in Tibet, but we’re too busy buying Palestinian headscarves on St. Marks because they’re pretty. No wonder New Yorkers are so confused. We’re not sure if we’re having a free Tibet rally or a pillow fight.