top 5 worst conversation subjects
Posted by thecrankyclam on March 20, 2008
1. Dreams.
Dooode, did you just have the weirdest dream EVER? Yeah? I mean, are they normally pretty weird, probably weirder than everyone else’s but this one was the weirdest one in the whole fucking world? Okay so you were standing in your living room, but it wasn’t really YOUR living room, I mean, you know, it was, but it wasn’t the one you have in real life and then that guy who sat next to you in third grade was there but while you were talking to him he turned into your ex-boyfriend. Dude, that is really fucking weird. Hey, you know what that reminds me of? THAT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
2. Your shitty job and that craaaazy person you work with.
Look, I know Nina is having a hard time because she’s going through a divorce and consequently taking it out on your inability to leave her mail on the left side of her desk and not the right side, but until you’ve been a bicycle delivery girl getting paid $5 an hour to haul giant backpacks full of food through the festering asshole of Brooklyn in the snow and 30mph wind, I don’t want to fucking hear it. This is one of the main reasons I don’t want to get married. The idea of spending my evenings listening to my spouse talk about his stupid fucking job and his asshole boss make me want to choke to death on a bag of wet dicks.
3. Fashion.
Look, I’m a girl just like the rest of you fags. I have two boobies, one vag and seven pairs of shoes. However, I only wear one of them and I wear the same hoodie and old jeans every single day because I have far too much other shit to worry about than what people who aren’t looking at me aren’t thinking about what I’m wearing. I’ve been dressing like it’s 1996 for the last decade, and having the luxury of not growing past 5’2 means I literally get to wear the same exact clothes I wore, on, like, the first day of freshman PE when I got shit on by a bird while wearing my favorite hoodie and I knew my life was cursed.
4. Hipsters
Hipsters making fun of hipsters is like fat people ordering diet sodas with their double bacon cheeseburgers. It’s like voting for Ralph Nader.
5. Problems. We all have them and hearing about yours are really fucking boring. I suggest you do this with them:
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